Yes, obviously parents are responsible for a lot of what a child's future is like. Good to see science confirming the facts and adding numbers to it. Looking back at school I can see the different bullies and
victims of my class and begin to wonder exactly how the different
categories of negative parenting influence different aspects of bullies/victims.
Well, it's important to
note that what we call 'bullying behavior' has changed a lot over the
years. These days it seems like any negative interaction between two
kids gets ascribed the bullying label.
To hear complaining about "bullies" whenever anything bad happens between the kids. "Oh, that Jonathan kid is always bullying my son, he called him a shit-head the other day in front of the other kids, Timmy was so upset he came home crying, the school'd better deal with that Jonathan kid or I'm getting my lawyer involved..."
I can understand that people want to protect their kids...but I mean, really? That's bullying now? Having to endure being made fun of? I was a fat kid growing up, so I know what it's like to be made fun of and I know how nasty kids can be...but I'm not ready to throw a "bully" label on those kids. Even though I dealt with it on a daily basis, I still wouldn't call that bullying. The kids that used to wait for people and beat them up, they were bullies. The other kids, they were just being kids and more than likely the majority of them have grown up and realize why that was fucked up as we all do as we grow up.
I see that type of behavior as pretty much normal. Any litter-bearing pack animal, wolves and such, you'll notice they're constantly fighting for dominance amongst the group, play-fighting and the like. When things get too rough, Momma steps in, but only when things get too rough. We don't need a teacher to be throwing themselves into every confrontation a student has with another student, because all that does is prevent kids from learning how to deal with their own problems. How will a kid ever learn how to deal with people being shit-heads if there is always an adult handling that shit for them? What's going to happen when that kid is an adult and he has to deal with confrontation?
It's a hard subject to discuss objectively because emotions are so high on this topic, but I really think we're doing our kids a far greater disservice by mediating their every interaction.
To hear complaining about "bullies" whenever anything bad happens between the kids. "Oh, that Jonathan kid is always bullying my son, he called him a shit-head the other day in front of the other kids, Timmy was so upset he came home crying, the school'd better deal with that Jonathan kid or I'm getting my lawyer involved..."
I can understand that people want to protect their kids...but I mean, really? That's bullying now? Having to endure being made fun of? I was a fat kid growing up, so I know what it's like to be made fun of and I know how nasty kids can be...but I'm not ready to throw a "bully" label on those kids. Even though I dealt with it on a daily basis, I still wouldn't call that bullying. The kids that used to wait for people and beat them up, they were bullies. The other kids, they were just being kids and more than likely the majority of them have grown up and realize why that was fucked up as we all do as we grow up.
I see that type of behavior as pretty much normal. Any litter-bearing pack animal, wolves and such, you'll notice they're constantly fighting for dominance amongst the group, play-fighting and the like. When things get too rough, Momma steps in, but only when things get too rough. We don't need a teacher to be throwing themselves into every confrontation a student has with another student, because all that does is prevent kids from learning how to deal with their own problems. How will a kid ever learn how to deal with people being shit-heads if there is always an adult handling that shit for them? What's going to happen when that kid is an adult and he has to deal with confrontation?
It's a hard subject to discuss objectively because emotions are so high on this topic, but I really think we're doing our kids a far greater disservice by mediating their every interaction.
I partly think we've made bullying such a large issue that people immediately jump to conclusions and claim bullying. This is a terrible example and I'm ashamed to say I watch this show, but Alexis on Real Housewives of Orange County cried for a whole season that the other women "bullied" her. They spent the whole season trying to explain to Alexis what bullying really was. I think we've crossed the line of being concerned about bullying and being overly concerned about bullying. We are so concerned that I don't think all parents can differentiate between a kid being mean one time and a kid being an actual bully.
ReplyDelete