What I Would Say to a Bullied Child

                In class today we were asked what we would say to our children if they came to us and told us they were being bullied at school. I wasn’t really sure at the time what to say, but I found an article written by Janet Leham (http://www.empoweringparents.com/Is-Your-Child-Being-Bullied.php) that suggests nine steps for parents of bullied children and it gave me some ideas. First, I would let my child tell me everything they want to say about it before I start asking questions. Some children might not want say much, and if that happens I would ask my child what they would want me to do to help first. Then I would make sure they knew I was on their side, and that I am there to listen, support, and love them. I would ask my child what happened and how it made them feel. If they are being bullied verbally, I would ask them what the bully said to them word for word. Most kids get picked on because of something that sets them apart from other children. If this is the case, I would remind my child that people need to be different, or else the world would be a very boring place. I would tell them that they should be proud of what makes them special, and whoever is bullying them is insecure about their own characteristics or jealous of my child’s. I would remind them that I love and accept everything about them, and so do the rest of their family and the real friends they have. I would point out what my child excels in that not every child does, and ask him how it makes him feel when he accomplishes those things. Chances are, they will have a more confidence and be proud of themselves. I would tell them to think about all these things next time they are being bullied and feel for the bully because they are struggling with personal issues as well. I would have them ask themselves, “is what this kid is saying to me even going to matter years from now when I have the potential to move on to bigger and better things?” If they were being physically bullied, I wouldn’t tell them to be physical back unless they felt like they were in serious danger. Other than that, I would tell them fighting back would only bring them down to the same level of the bully and they are better than that. You should always be the bigger person. I would tell them that bullies love to get an emotional reaction, so if my child stays out of their way and stays calm in the situation, they might give up on it.  If my child accepts what I have told them while acting like it does not affect them but the bullying still continues, I would ask my child if they felt comfortable telling the bully how they felt and kindly asking them to stop. If they didn’t feel comfortable or the bullying continued again, I would probably contact someone who works at the school who can watch out for the fighting and give proper forms of punishment. If it still continued, I would contact the child’s parent. As the article says, I think one of the best things to do is to not make your child feel like it is their fault for being bullied. I would avoid asking any questions like “what did you do that made you get bullied” or “what are they picking on you for.” I think this makes it sound like the child is bringing the bullying upon themselves when it is actually the bully who has the problems and the child who is the victim.